I had learnt over many years to repair, as best I could,
other emotional planes in my fleet damaged by stammering and depression so I
had some of the parts ready to repair the plane I found. With the guidance of
my therapist Angela, I set to work. First, I noticed how the diagnosis had
closed me down, as if my future had become uncontrollable. I was also bracing myself
for the sudden impact of Parkinson’s but I realised it gradually seeps into you. I needed a long term strategy; stammering and depression had closed me down
in my past so I tentatively knew what to do this time. I carefully began to
unfold myself. The idea of thrownness removed the impediment of blame (my
susceptibility to Parkinson’s is part of the state in which I was thrown into
the world and this configuration was beyond conscious control), making the
resulting openness wider. I then filled this openness with the space to choose.
I chose to accept Parkinson’s for what it is: a part of my thrownness and not the whole of me. I chose to see the space within my
disease that remained for me.
This further allowed me the freedom to see the positive influence my stammer and depression have had on my
life; they taught me how to cope with the challenge of Parkinson’s. This told
me I am able to ground myself anywhere I like (even in the positive ground of
stammering and depression) and it is not necessary to plant myself in negative
ground.
This is the positive progression of my Parkinson’s. I am
making good progress repairing that plane; it will soon be ready to fly…